Are you tired? Not just “I need a nap” tired, but that exhaustion that seeps more into the soul and wears grooves in the heart?
I am. But I’ve been arguing with myself about it, saying words to myself like
“You’re home with kids. Commuting and working are so much harder. What do you have to complain about? So many moms would love to be in your position.”
And the self-talk continues:
“You’re this…”
“You’re that…”
“You have…you haven’t…you aren’t…”
Maybe you, like me, feel life these days like standing at the bottom of a sky-high mountain. Climb it? We can’t even see the summit. It’s like we’re laying at the bottom of the mountain, too tired for those first steps that are supposed to add up to a mountain conquered. Every museum trip we didn’t plan, homeschool lesson not taught, paragraph not written, loving words not spoken – they were victims of a weary heart That. Just. Can’t.
Have you thrown this so unhelpful conversation at your battered heart, too? Doesn’t help, does it?
Because here’s the thing: Even when our hands are totally idle, the soul can carry burdens that often require spiritual muscles we don’t have.
Recently, I went to the bookstore to grab a particular book so I wouldn’t have to wait for Amazon to ship it. And I didn’t want a digital version; this volume needed to lay in my hands, to pin me to my chair, and tell me words that couldn’t disappear with the click of my Kindle’s power button. When I first heard the name of this newly released book, I couldn’t get it out of my mind.
Getting a perfect plan, setting goals, trying harder, giving myself a pep talk, watching an extra church service on tv, or churning out an Instagram post – those don’t heal soul wounds. All of these efforts required output I couldn’t muster. Yet, listening to my self-talk, I expected myself to do more, be more, have more. Something had to give.
And that something was grace.
The book was called When Strivings Cease, by Ruth Chou Simons. Simons unveils how God’s grace meets us without our effort, without our self-criticism, without bargaining.
Here’s the phrase that really got me, and I hope it’ll change the way you “expect” of yourself.
(Here, Simons is retelling the quote as she heard it from her old youth pastor.)Dale continued, “God set the bar high. Man tried to reach it through self-righteousness, so God set it higher – higher than we can jump.”
Could our lack of grace toward ourselves be a sneaky form of self-righteousness? This is the question I’ve asked myself a lot recently. The thing is, self-righteousness pops up any time we offer God an effort or activity as a trade for what He’s already given us.
“God, I’m not sure you like me, so I’ll make you a deal: if I volunteer to teach Sunday School even though I need therapy and a nap afterward, then you’ll make me feel loved. Deal?”
“God, if I work myself to exhaustion and go around tired, then you’ll stop thinking I’m lazy.”
“God, if I can make my kids behave at Chipotle, then you’ll think I’m a good mom.”
We jump toward God, thinking we can hit that bar if we put a little more muscle into it.
You and I – we can’t jump that high. We’ll never get there. Never.
That’s why His grace descends to us.
He remembers we are but dust.
God knows we’ll always need His grace, BUT we need to know it, too. We need to feel it in permission to drop that proverbial ball and open ourselves to soul rest. If you just can’t, then don’t.
Grace.
Grace.
Grace.
Beloved.
God bless you (because you already have His grace),
Janet