How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: Peace through pleasing only God.

What if I cared about people but didn’t care what they think of me? What would happen if, instead, I cared about pleasing God? The answer: Peace.

Saturday mornings often see me at my less-than-best. The whole family is together. We sit in our pajamas and eat toast and eggs and talk about home improvement and politics and tractor rides (Luke’s -my son with autism – favorite subject).

Shouldn’t I be pleased?

So many opportunities to strengthen connections and explore opportunities and, maybe, just read a book.

Instead, I’m often moody, wandering from task to task or finding the doings of the birds in the front yard unusually fascinating. Busy work and time wasting layered in a sticky ball of grumpiness.

What I feel inside is tension and conflict, and I’ve finally been able to give it a name: expectations conflicting with desires.

  • Should I take my kids to the park? They expect entertainment on Saturday.
  • Should I spend an hour researching my project or does my mom need help canning green beans?
  • Should I clean the bathroom or can I read a chapter from my favorite Christian author’s latest book? She doesn’t like the hand soap to run out.

Who should I please? And who should I please first? Whose expectations win and when should my desires take a back seat to those expectations?

The thing is, none of these expectations are wrong. But neither are my desires wrong. They’re simply in conflict because I’m unsure how to prioritize my responses.

Can I please everyone and myself? I already know there’s not enough hours in the day and there’s not enough me in the hours to please everyone. How do I decide what expectations or desires to meet?

Conflicting priorities, troubled heart.

Then I thought: What if I cared about people but didn’t care what they think of me? What if I only cared about pleasing God?

Peter and fellow apostles were arrested for healing the sick and lame in Jesus’s name and for preaching the gospel. After an angel arranged a divine jailbreak, the jailbirds wasted no time heading straight back to preach at the temple.

There the temple officers found them and hauled the stubborn apostles before the religious leaders.

“Did we not strictly command you not to teach in this name? And look, you have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this Man’s blood on us!”

But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men.” Acts 5:28-29 NKJV

Peter and the apostles only had to please One. And because they trusted God and experienced His power, deliverance and salvation, they were unafraid to dismiss the expectations of others.

But what if they hadn’t submitted themselves to pleasing God first?

  • Peter and the apostles might have agreed not to preach in the temple on certain days. How many people would’ve missed hearing the good news of Jesus?
  • Peter might have agreed to water down his preaching on Jesus’s crucifixion and resurrection so the religious leaders wouldn’t be embarrassed.
  • Peter might have apologized for upsetting the Pharisees and Sadduccees.
  • Peter might have avoided preaching in public spaces and to large crowds.
  • Peter might have decided he deserved a vacation after his sojourn in jail.

But Peter chose to please One. How many souls are in heaven today because Peter purposed in his heart to please One?

What if our overwhelm could be overcome by the peace of pleasing only One? One to please. One to serve. One set of priorities.

Pleasing only One won’t excuse us from suffering for the gospel (ask the apostle Paul) or from stubbing our toes or blowing a tire 200 miles from home. That’s just life.

But pleasing only One promises a gift we could all use in these troubled times: peace.

Your turn: Grab a journal or open the notes app on your phone and write down what’s overwhelming you today. Prayerfully consider whether some of the items/events/tasks competing for your attention are a result of trying to please everyone. Then ask yourself what you might delete or add to your calendar if your only goal was to please God. How have your priorities changed?

Next time: In my next post, I’ll discuss whether trying to please only God leads to selfishness and neglect of genuine responsibilities.