“God, just give me a plan!” or The Gift of Gray Areas

I was honored when Proverbs 31 Ministries chose to include this devotion in its booklet 40 Reminders God is in Control: Devotions to Redirect Your Worry into Worship. You can receive your own copy of the booklet by donating to Proverbs 31 Ministries. (I retained all rights to my devotion so I’m free to publish it here. Hey, spread the encouragement any way you can!)

Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.”

King David, Psalm 39:7 NKJV

Bright banners in primary colors and the sharp scent of crayon wax belied the heavy atmosphere around the conference table. Six school administrators and the county’s senior psychologist eyed me sympathetically.

“So you’re saying that even if Luke didn’t have autism, he still has an intellectual disorder?” My stomach tightened.

“Yes, that’s right.” The psychologist smoothed his hand over the cognitive evaluation that showed just how low my son scored compared to typical students. “Although Luke’s autism may be on the severe side, he also has an intellectual disability that would qualify him for services.”

Services, as in moving Luke off a high school diploma track and into non-degree track life skills program. College was out. In truth, it was never on the list of possibilities.

And a list was what I hoped for. A plan from God. A 1-2-3 guarantee. The solidarity of certainty.

Maybe you’ve hoped to uproot uncertainty, too. If only we could only take a test, read the right book, or hear the Holy Spirit declare “Now, this is what you need to do…”, then our anxieties would vanish.

But as I drove away from the school, grieving the gray areas that whitewashed my son’s future in mystery, I remembered something.

God did His greatest work in me through the gray areas of uncertainty.

When I stumbled forward, one step at a time, seeing little ahead, then I relied on other senses.

My hearing came alive as listened for that still-small voice before I retorted in anger.

My hands put down my phone and picked up a Bible.

My lips learned to say “Change me, Lord” before “Fix my husband.” I locked my eyes on God, believing that where I fixed my eyes my feet would follow.

In the gray areas, I grew.

King David also learned to navigate the gray areas by fixing His eyes on God. In Psalm 39:7, David wrote “And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You.” (NKJV). Fraught with enemies on his borders and in his household, David had few guarantees.

But he knew that the gray areas of uncertainty weren’t unknown to God. When would David stop running from Saul and ascend the throne? Would he be vindicated from the slander of a once-dear friend?

Although David didn’t know the future, He did know its Author. And there David fixed his eyes. He trusted his unseen future to an all-seeing God, and so can we.

You may be struggling to see beyond the gray mist of a broken marriage or perilous financial stress or, like me, wrestling with a child’s unknown future, but we can take comfort in the guarantees of God:

I don’t need to know everything – I need God.

I don’t need every step laid before me – I need to take the first step.

I don’t need certainty – I need confidence in an unshakable God.

Our only guarantee is God and the only fixed point is found in Christ. And where our eyes are fixed, our feet will follow. This is the gift of gray areas.