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Do you find yourself stressed, snappy, and unhappy as your life fills with “to do” but you just feel “done”? Break the cycle and embrace a more fulfilling life by checking your “gauge” and following three easy steps to greater joy and peace.
This is the Art of Contentment’s first guest post! Please welcome Nancy Beach, fellow tall girl and blogger from Filled to Empty.
Nancy Beach enjoys reading, sunsets, and sand in her toes. She has been married for 25 years and has two grown children. She has a Bachelor of Science in Bible and enjoys leading Women’s Bible Studies, prayer teams, and writing. She is a member of Toastmaster’s International and is active in Compel. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter @nancymbeach or her blog www.filledtoempty.com.
“And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone. “Matthew 14:23
“Forget it. We won’t buy any.” I plunked the three types of cold medication back on the shelf, turned and walked to the car with my arms swinging so fast I could have provided enough energy for an entire city.
Not my best moment.
What caused such a strong reaction? Had I gotten an urgent phone call? Was someone sick?
Nope.
The rows and rows of colorful bottles of medications every size and shape, each called out to me. Each claiming to cure my every ill better than the last. Choices. Decisions. My head spun.
Have you ever been there? Undone by the tiniest thing?
I was tired. My husband was tired. We’d been walking around the store for an hour and a half. Seventy-five minutes more than we preferred. I didn’t know which medication to choose. Husband didn’t care which medication I picked. A half-hour later over burgers, I apologized, and we laughed about it.
Small circumstances unravel depleted souls.
I used to think I was a good person when I did more. From morning to night my calendar drove me. Bible studies, homeschool classes, cleaning, and grinding wheat berries to make homemade bread. I pushed myself to the breaking point and ugly resulted. I was worn out, and my family got grumpy mom.
That’s not the model Jesus displays for us. He created the world in six days and then rested on the seventh. When He was here on earth He took time away. “And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone. “Matthew 14:23
Life doesn’t work on empty. Ignoring the “low gas” warning illuminating the dashboard in the car is disastrous. When my vacuum cleaner is unplugged it won’t run. When the hamster isn’t fed…well, you get the picture.
I didn’t realize we have a gauge. And not paying attention to it can result in a tornado spinning out of the store. Our gauge changes with the seasons of our lives. Children, illness, or extra work responsibilities means some days, weeks or years we deplete faster than others. The key is to know your gauge.
I’ve learned that when I’ve not cared well for myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, I run in the red. One warning sign that I’m running in red is that I have little grace, love, and kindness for those around me. When our tank isn’t full, others become a duty, an obligation, a chore. You can’t squeeze water from a dry sponge.
By knowing how full our love tank is, we’ll have fewer HALT moments. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
HALT is an acronym I heard a few years ago at a conference. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired we need to STOP. Just like the blinking red light on our phones, if we don’t plug it in quickly, it will die.
- Are you hungry? Low blood sugar leads to emotional responses. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to eat every few hours. To drink 8 to 12 glasses of water a day. Making healthy food choices throughout the day helps us think calmer and clearer.
- Are you angry? Anger clouds our judgment. Any strong emotion does, really. In our house anyone can call a time-out, no questions asked. The person calling it has a responsibility to come back and finish the discussion when they are able. We’ve found it’s much better to step back than keep going when emotions are high.
- Are you lonely? Our minds can devolve into sadness or feeling sorry for ourselves when we’re lonely. When we notice that happening, it’s a trigger to take responsibility for the situation. Reach out. Schedule a coffee date with a friend. Go for a run. Or serve others. Loving on others is one of my favorite go-to ways to beat loneliness.
- Are you tired? I used to think the Bible verse in Ephesians 4 about not letting the sun go down on your wrath meant we should stay awake until the problem was resolved. I now think it means we shouldn’t shove our problems under the rug and ignore them. But when I’m tired, the wisest thing is to go to bed. For me, no productive discussions happen after 9 pm. I know I’m a much more sane, reasonable person after a good night’s sleep.
3 ways to keep from running on empty
- Keep a pulse on your gauge. How are you reacting to interruptions in your day? When your children are arguing? When someone says something you could take either way? Knowing our gauge allows us to wait until the morning to have a conversation. To say no would rather say yes. Sometimes, we love those around us better by putting on jammies, taking a hot bath and heading to bed early.
- Know what fills you. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What relaxes, refocuses, and helps you cope with the daily challenges of life? For me, time alone to reflect, meditate and read fills me faster than anything else. I also enjoy being outside. Tea. Encouraging words from a friend.
- Know what empties you. This answer is different for each of us, and changes with the seasons of life. A depleting week? Time for some refilling on the weekend. Stress empties us. So does lots of details and decisions. Take a look at your calendar. What empties you that you are doing out of obligation? What would it take to eliminate that from your life?
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When I notice myself making excuses, being impatient or overreacting, it’s a reminder to check my gauge.
A tree needs water, sunlight, and pruning or it doesn’t produce good fruit. We need to care for our whole selves—mind, body, and spirit so we produce good fruit. I’ve learned that instead of running around like a chicken with my head cut off serving up rotten fruit to those I love, it’s wiser to pause and care for myself.
A basket of sweet fruit beats a wheelbarrow of sour fruit.
For more great posts on caring for yourself spiritually, please visit Nancy’s blog at Filled to Empty.